so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
