So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
