The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
