i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize