I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
