She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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