Whod you bang
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
