so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
