from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
