Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
They took my balls.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
