I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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