I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
