We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
