Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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