Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
