do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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