im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
