Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
