this beer tastes like vomit already
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
