The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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