'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
