i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize