I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
