i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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