guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
