Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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