My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
