He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
