I cockslap morals
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
