You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
