Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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