i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
