something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
