My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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