just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize