Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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