Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
