did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
