Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
