yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
