I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
