i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
