so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
