I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
