don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize