haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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