Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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