doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
