i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
