I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
