i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am available for nakedness
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