just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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