guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
