You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize