Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
