woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My bed smells like the plague
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
