She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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