Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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