Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
