The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize