My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
