Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
