I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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