yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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