Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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