I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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