It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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