i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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