Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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