i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
