I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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