He felt like a one man threesome
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
