Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
