Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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