It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
