No stitches, just platelets and will power
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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