Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
