You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
