How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize