if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
