He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
