He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
