I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
