My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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