Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
