On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
