I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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