last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
