i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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