Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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