that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
