He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
