Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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