Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
