I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
