But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
