i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
