so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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