So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So vagazzling was a success
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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