So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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