Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
